8 down, 1 to go.

I don't know... but maybe... just maybe... I'm over training. We'll see how it goes on my recovery day tomorrow... if I feel great Sunday morning, I'm going to stick with the schedule for another week and then do a light week and start rotating that way... I have no real pains or even lingering soreness, just a general overall fatigue. My last workout of the week is Bootcamp this afternoon and it is my understanding that my arms, shoulders, chest, back and abs are in for a not small ammount of pain.

I wish I could say my eating was still on track... but its not. I am learning a lot about myself as I go on and off of challenges and such... it seems I am an all or nothing girl. When I am in a challenge I have the discipline and will to keep my self pretty damned clean in my eating... but if I say I'm going to allow myself a little sugar or caffeine or whatever here and there... from the first bite I allow myself to "loose control" and I just eat whatever I damned well please. I'm not a moderation girl... so I'm considering Jim's CKD recommendation as an option that could possibly work for me. It works out to 5-6 days of complete carbohydrate restriction (throwing the system into benign dietary ketosis) followed by a day or two of "re-feed" which allows the body to rebuild its intra-muscle glycogen stores as it preps for the following week... its my understanding that this is great for cutting... which is what I am really trying to do right now. IN any case Monday I am starting another 2 week challenge and whether its a CKD challenge or another clean eating challenge, it will be a challenge none the less!!

In December of 2002 when I started my blog, and really started this journey in earnest I put a sticker on my monitor at work. It simply said, "Shame Based Motivation." That sticker reminded me that I needed to get off my ass and exercise every day or face the wrath of Jim. People would ask me what it meant and I would tell them that it was what I used to motivate myself to go to the gym. They didn't really get it (not that they were expected to) so they would just look at me like I was a little wacko and move on. Early this year (in January I think) I got a shiny new monitor from the surplus PC equipment gods. I didn't put the sticker back up. I guess I dont need it any more because, despite its absence, I have still been getting up on a nearly daily basis to workout. My motivation is no longer shame based... my motivation has become internal and personal and it finally feels like I do this not because I HAVE to or I will die from being obese and have to be embarassed for being a lazy slug and not doing the work necessary to get in shape, but because I WANT to.

Isn't that weird. I've worked out 8 times this week so far... because I WANT to... yes, there is still the fat factor in my head... I have to stay active to keep myself from getting fat again, to keep myself able to do the things I want to be able to do with my kids and my husband and my friends, and well... with just me too... but I want to see where I can go with this... how far I can push my self, push my body... push push push. Does that make me an athlete? Am I finally an athlete? whoah... weird.

Posted by Lexy at April 30, 2004 08:29 AM