Weekend Report

Ya know, I'd planned to do absolutely no exercise this weekend... I was ok with it, I didn't think I'd have time and I didn't want to feel guilty if I ended up really not having time and not getting anything in... so I figured, eh, whatever.

But ya know what? I did have time! And Saturday I went for an HOUR AND 40 MINUTE walk with Nate in the stroller and my legs LOVED it... we probably only covered about 4 miles, but it was fun and gorgeous and I sweated and kept a good pace and it felt GOOD. And just now, on a holiday monday night... I just ran what had to be 5 miles... it took me 55:18, so it had to be around 5 miles (my forerunner is charging, so I don't have an accurate route/distance) but man... I had only planned to go for 30 minutes, and when I got to the point where I figured I'd turn around I just didn't... I just kept going, and when I got to 30 minutes I figured what the hell, I'd run this far, I may as well run back... I ended up doing a brand new loop for me and it was dusk/sunset, there was a breeze cutting down on the updrafting heat from the pavement... and I felt like a runner, a real live runner! (whodathunkit?)

Running any distance over 3 miles for me allows me time to crawl into my head and do some analysis as well and this run was no exception... I decided that I really needed to look closely at how I had failed myself in June... and why... and I came up with a bit of a list:

How I failed myself and my fitness goals in the month of June (analysis by b. palmer with the intention of finding a way to keep it from happening again).

1. I let myself get out of my morning routine. It was a slow transition, but I went back to afternoon only workouts which means I end up skipping more workouts than I should due to work/family schedule conflicts.

2. I rebelled against healthy eating and stuffed my face full of anything sugar/fat/salt laden that sounded pleasing to the palate at the time.

3. I stopped cooking for myself and my family.

4. I let my pantry become barren of healthy foods.

5. I let my focus drift from fitness to fashion (ie... how I look).

There are more little tangents but most of it comes back to those five points... and number 5 is probably the most significant of all of them, because as soon as I forgot to focus on fitness and got caught up in how I was going to look in that bikini the depression set in and hopelessness, and fear, and self-loathing are tough demons to fight... especially when you're in FULL ON DENIAL of their existance. (lucky me!)

I am glad I really thought about that stuff, and I think I'm going to be better for having written it all down. My morning routine MUST come back and so I will force it to do so... happy 5th of July... its time for another revolution... mine.

Posted by Lexy at July 5, 2004 09:57 PM