knowing what to do != doing it.

I'm having a hard time being an effective parent these days.

I am the mother of a challenging child and it is taking over every aspect of my daily life. I sit in complete tension all day waiting for the next call from the principal, praying that he'll hold it together thru the school day and not get sent home for acting out again.... and its only day three... I won't even mention days one and two. No one who has not parented a child with behavior, mood, or attention issues can understand what it is like to do so. It is the most all encompasing, demoralizing, depressing, personally draining thing I have ever had to do. And I don't have a choice. I can't walk away or turn it off or take a break. He is my son, it is my responsibility to parent him and train him and find the resources to help him and no one elses... it can suck ass sometimes.

The worst part for me right now is that I feel totally out of control of the situation. I am a parent in absentia. I am not there in the morning to send him off to school. I am not there in the afternoon when he returns. I am a pathetic wage slave and it kills me. I can't go into his classroom to volunteer because I am at work every day. I can't schedule weekly therapy or meetings with his teachers because I'd miss too much work getting there/back/etc. If I could quit my job and BE THERE I would do it in a heartbeat.

I did not do yoga yesterday, nor did I run. I did not bring my gear to workout/run today but maybe I'll get to it tomorrow. Pints to Pasta is on Sunday (10k) and I'm excited that I'll see Hollie somewhere on the course (YAY Hollie!!!) and maybe next week will be better... it just seems that sometimes other things in my life are going to take priority over this... sometimes I'm ok with that... sometimes not... for now I'm not thinking about whether I'm ok with it or not, I'm thinking about my kid... pretty much constantly.

Posted by Lexy at September 9, 2004 10:55 AM