October 29, 2004
HAPPY HALOWEEN!!!
Don't forget to set clocks back this weekend... and enjoy the little ghouls running around the neighborhoods.
enjoy:
Posted by Lexy at 02:59 PM | Comments (0)show comments right here »
October 27, 2004
silence...
so quiet.
very very quiet.
*thanks Mark!*
feeling so much better. Hardly any coughing anymore (only when very tired)... getting energy back, wishing I could use it in a productive way. Nutrition has been SO good (except this beer tonight)... but still that unflagging fatigue. So hard to get out of bed in the morning and just WASTED tired by the time I get home from work.
Such WONDERFUL friends I have tho. I have an herbal tincture for my cough made from entirely organic and honestly cultivated herbs and a tea for my immune system made from the same (but not the exact same herbs).
*sigh* now I just need to get my sleep under control... which is where I should be now.
night!
Posted by Lexy at 09:50 PM | Comments (5)show comments right here »
October 26, 2004
Hanging In...
Had a very good weekend. Drove to Seattle with the hubby on Sunday (damnit, missed FOOTBALL!!!) to pickup a motorcycle that he got a very good deal on. (for anyone who cares - 1998 BMW R1100RT). It was a fun time, but as I mentioned before, I missed football and that stinks.
Took yesterday off of work, had a nice mid-afternoon nap, went to class and got my skeletal system test back 97.45%... yippee. Took my muscles test and feel good about it. This week we are doing the brain and nervous systems... whoah... this is gonna be a BIG one (test wise, I mean).
I am feeling REALLY good health wise (which makes it all the more difficult to not go to the gym today)... but man I'm feeling FAT, lumpy, bloated, yukky! I want to exercise... but I vowed not to until my next blood-test on November second and I will not break my vow.
AH... and that leads me to this: I decided, fully, this weekend that I will not be participating in the half marathon on October 31. My priorities have to lie with my health right now, and while I totally believe I could do it... the challenge will have to wait for now, because I just can't risk it at this point.
I am all over the map emotionally about this decision. I cried about it a lot this weekend (hello HORMONES!!!)... but now I'm just very matter-of-fact about it and I refuse to let postponing (temporarily) a challenge for a good reason (ie. my health) make me feel crappy about myself.
Tell ya what tho... pending the outcome of my blood-test on Nov 2nd I'm BACK in the gym, damnit!
Posted by Lexy at 08:11 AM | Comments (2)show comments right here »
October 22, 2004
SO...
what do y'all think of the new colors and banner?
yay?
nay?
what the hell are you talking about you colorblind freak?
just curious.
Posted by Lexy at 10:27 PM | Comments (5)show comments right here »
I am a doctors worst nightmare...
I question EVERYTHING. I research words they use that I don't understand until I do, and I find second and third opinions necessary even for a common ear infection. I am, truthfully, a doctors worst nightmare.
But not this time.
I SUCK at being sedentary. I did situps and crunches while watching tv last night, no raised pulse, no sweat... just a little tiny exertion in the abdominal region... but I shouldn't have.
There are things going on in my life that I don't write about here... and no, not relationship things because those have been great... but I am participating in somthing that is bigger than me, and because of my voluntary obligations to this project it is imperative that I am healthy... and soon. So I need help.
I need things to do to occupy my time... I should pick my knitting back up... the neighbor's baby is going to be born any day and I still haven't finished her blanket... I could read, but I don't have any good books on deck as I've been away from the literary world for so long that I don't even know where to start (recommendations are welcome!)... any other ideas? Bueller? Bueller?
Knowing why I'm sick is also empowering for me. I've tapped into the knowledge of my friend Alissa and her mother the herbalist. My other herbalist friend, Rebecca is supporting me too. I'm dedicating myself these next two weeks to the pursuit of antioxidants and vitamins in my diet. That means LOTS and LOTS of organic fruits and veggies (I just had an organic banana and a chocolate whey-protein shake for breakfast)... organic meats and dairy as well. Chemicals be-gone, my immune system needs you not! Any other suggestions for supporting my body are superbly appreciated.
I am usually a doctor's worst nightmare, but not this time.
Posted by Lexy at 08:15 AM | Comments (7)show comments right here »
October 21, 2004
CMV
It seems that I may have to focus solely on nutrition for a while...
You may have noticed me complaining over the last month or so that I've been excessively tired, wiped out all the time, just generally down. I've been coughing excessively for going on four weeks now. It has really really sucked.
I now know why. I have been infected with a virus from the herpes family that is very similar to Epstein-Barr virus which causes mononucleolus... or "mono" for short. The virus is called CMV - Cytomegalovirus (or cell very big virus). somewhere between 40-85% of american adults have been exposed to the virus and have antibodies by the time they're 40 years old. I guess it was just my time. Most people don't have many symptoms when initally exposed, but some (like me) have mono-like sympoms including fever, fatigue, sore throat and cough.
CMV is very contagious via bodily fluids including saliva... its no big deal in the long run (once you're over the initial infection it generally goes dormant like mono and chicken pox and you don't get a recurrant infection unless you become immunosupressed for some reason), but it sucks in the short term and if I want it gone (and I do) I am being told that I need to take it easy. I asked what specifically, "take it easy" means... and I am not pleased with the answer I have been given. The doctor's response was "take it easy... as in, no viggorous exercise, lots of rest, water and nutritious food. Take your vitamins and veg on the couch for a couple of weeks... that's taking it easy."
Crap. THIS SUCKS!!! I mean, I'm glad I went to the Dr... I'm glad they tested for the virus because it's good to know its a virus which must be dealt with by my immune system (which I can support with herbs and vitamins) and not just be handed antibiotics which would have done NOTHING for my illness and probably wreaked havoc in my gut and reproductive tract. BUT FUCK ME RUNNING PEOPLE!!! WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A BREAK AROUND HERE???? ONE FREAKIN DAY AFTER I AM GETTING ALL PUMPED BACK UP TO RESTART MY FITNESS ROUTINES???? ARGH!!!
But... maybe... just maybe... this is good.
Maybe this is a combination of fate and my body telling me that I have not been feeding it correctly and I've been overworking and overstressing myself. I want to believe that I'm still going to be able to run the half in a couple of weeks... but as things keep crumbling around me... the prospect is becomming less and less likely.
If I can not run AT ALL between now and then... would I even be able to run it if I was feeling healthy again?
So what I CAN do is focus on my nutrition... eat my veggies and fruits (a hell of a lot of them) in the purest forms I can find/handle. It will be harder to balance the calories in/calories out with no exercise in the mix... but it can be done.
I need a nap.
Posted by Lexy at 11:23 AM | Comments (3)show comments right here »
October 20, 2004
You all rock my butt.
and I mean that in the most literal and figurative of senses!!!
Seriously... everyone of you (even you Hollie!) Rock my bodacious BUTT... and while I have yet to get up and put on the shoes (as BD recommends) this week, I know that I will and I feel REALLY REALLY good about that.
And Rach - sorry but I did gain weight, my appetite was OUT of control and I did nothing to temper it and when I got on the scale on Monday it said 164. If that isn't lost ground for ya, I don't know what is. So there you have it. Today the scale said 163... a downward trend after only 3 days of actually THINKING about what I'm eating rather than stuffing everything that sounds good into my gaping maw.
I feel GOOD. I feel OPTIMISTIC. I feel reborn again into fitness (even tho I haven't set foot in my gym yet this week)... and I'm starting with my nutrition. In a very short while my nutrition went WAY out the window and in a very short while it will be BACK in check. I've begun cooking again this week which is always a good thing for me and I've rediscovered the joy that is the crock pot.
We have the technology. She can be rebuilt... so join me, won't you... as I again push forward toward a smashing muscular fit me that I will love love love to be (and to become... because it's all about the journey don'tchaknow).
OH... and I do apologize for the extended down time today, but the server that houses this blog and all of my images for this site (which has been donated to me for FREEEEE!) lost it's power supply today... but I will not EVER complain about down time because as we all know, FREE is a very good price.
cheers...
And BD - I'm doing your rowing interval tomorrow morning, I'll let you know how it goes!
Posted by Lexy at 05:14 PM | Comments (2)show comments right here »
October 18, 2004
Living a Lie
I give up.
I gave it my best shot, but I came to the conclusion this weekend, after MUCH soul searching and letting go of emotional baggage, that I am not, and have no desire to be a distance runner.
I'm done.
There, I've said it.
Wow... I feel a LOT better. Please don't take this to mean that I feel I haven't accomplished anything these last few months, because I have... I have run further than I ever imagined I could. And I will still run the half on the 31st, but until then, I am not doing any more long training runs. If I never (other than the race) run a distance greater than 10k ever again in my life, I'm OK with that. Running is an amazing wonderful thing, but right now, in my life and with my fitness goals, it just doesn't fit. It takes too much time to run 10 miles... it severely increases my appetite to the point that I've GAINED weight (and no, it is not muscle) and lost muscle... it hurts my knees and my hips and my feet when done for great distances and with relative frequency... and I'm just not having fun anymore.
So there you have it. Every other aspect of my fitness has suffered while I've been exclusively running and I am done. I don't like waking up dreading my daily workout... I want to anticipate it with baited-breath again. I want to pump my muscles up and "feel the burn" and not just burnt-out. This doesn't mean I will never run again. It just means no more distances of greater than an hour. I'd like to improve my 5k time... and possibly even my 10k time... a lot of that can be done with treadmill work and fartlek and such. It's the distance I'm letting go of, not the running itself.
Maybe my attitude will change in the spring. I don't know. What I do know is that I feel perfectly capable of running the half marathon at my current running fitness level, so I will run some shorter daily runs, not anything further than an hour until the race is here, and when it's done. I'm done. And in case you hadn't guessed... I did not run 12 this weekend. I did not run at all, in fact.
I'm also going back to the gym for some real lifting starting this week... I'll get to post sets and reps again (YIPPEE!!!) and I'm going to get back on the scale... (blech) because I need the slap in the face that I am certain it will be.
cheers!
Posted by Lexy at 08:31 AM | Comments (11)show comments right here »
October 15, 2004
have you ever known someone...
who was self-distructing so fast and so thoroughly that all you wanted to do was scream "STOP!!!! JUST STOP!!!" at the top of your lungs at them, but you don't because you know it won't make one lick of difference and they're not going to stop their fantastic plunge into total disintigration for you or anyone else for that matter?
Yeah? So what do you do? Fold your hands and turn away so you don't have to witness the splatter at the bottom? Go ahead and scream and pound your head against their emotional brick wall even tho you know it will do no good? Get all subtle and psychological on their ass even tho you know it will do no good? What do you do?
In other news...
Hey BD - thank you for your comment and sharing your story with me... I do think that training for a marathon must be MUCH harder than running one. I have two weeks left until my half. I feel fine about it... I know I need to just put my shoes on and I need to do it more often. I like running. I really do enjoy it... I need to remember that I can go run for the sheer enjoyment of it and not all things must be geared toward my "training schedule." I don't run because I have to. I run because I want to.
12 miles this weekend... should be a blast!
:D
Posted by Lexy at 08:28 AM | Comments (3)show comments right here »
October 12, 2004
Not good enough...
Please understand that I am not in a funk about my prior questioning. I am, in fact, very pleased with what I've accomplished in the last couple of years... I've changed my life permanently... my eating has been completely overhauled... my fitness is better than it ever has been in my life ever. I will be running a half-marathon for fuck's sake... what's not to be pleased with, right?
There is a discussion that Jim and I have about the concept of "good enough"... and the fact that it is deeply ingrained into our metaphysical beings that "good enough" is what people say when they fail. PLEASE understand that this is NOT how we view the rest of the world... just ourselves (ie. we are hypocrites).
If the amazing and most fabulous Lee were to say... "Ya know what, I can deadlift 250lbs and damnit, that's good enough for me." I would be right next to her Cheering, "Damned right, woman that is good enough for the whole damned world if you say so! Get up on it!!!" However, if I were to turn around tomorrow and say, "Ya know what? One pullup will do, that's good enough..." the trailing end of that thought would ALWAYS be "for now." and in the back of my mind it would NOT EVER actually BE "good enough" for me. Welcome to hypocricy city, ladies and gentlemen... I'd like to introduce myself, my name is lexysmash and I'll be your guide for this portion of the tour.
I have been down a bit about my lack of consitancy lately tho. I've not been planning and preparing well which leads to infrequent and binge-like eating and the inability to defray cravings. I've not been getting my mid-week workouts and runs in consistantly... that is hurting my training and interfearing with my ability to fall asleep at night (I always sleep better when I've worked out).
It's time to (once again) redouble, rededicate, remember what this is REALLY all about... and that is ME. That's right, its about ME. I deserve to take the time to get and stay fit and healthy and strong. I deserve a healthy, long, active life. I DESERVE fabulous muscles, good nutrition and daily exercise. I deserve it. and you do to... every last damned one of you.
YOU DO!!!! BELIEVE IT, damnit, because I DO!!!
now get outta my sight... I gotta sleep!
Posted by Lexy at 09:30 PM | Comments (4)show comments right here »
October 11, 2004
Back to reality
I wonder if I will ever be happy with my level of fitness.
I wonder if I will ever really love the body I have.
I am torn right now about whether or not to renew my fitness magazine subscriptions. I get Oxygen and Muscle and Finess Hers... I like them both tho the "Hers" is a bit heavy on the advertising for my taste. But I find myself avoiding reading them when they come lately not because there is anything wrong with the magazines, but because I consciously compare myself to the women... the fitness models who make their living being completely IN SHAPE, and wondering why I haven't gotten there yet. Why I backslide... why I slip up, get sick, cheat, fall, flop, whatever. Why them and not me?
I mean, obviously I know the reasons for this. I am NOT a fitness model. I do not spend my days working on my physique. I have a whole long list of other titles that keeps me busy most of the day and most of those titles I would feel lost without.
Mother
Wife
Partner
Student
Lover
Athlete
Home maker
Personal Trainer
Family Accountant
Chauffeur
Nurse
Nurse Maid
Maid
Personal Chef and Nutritionist
Seamstress
Interior Decorator
Full Time Professional Network Engineer
Aspiring Midwife
Veterinarian
etc... etc... etc...
So it gets depressing, these imperfections of mine, and my other commitments that keep me from perfecting them... but at what sacrifice would I be willing to do the work to make those changes? What title would I give up? Where would I find the time, energy, money, etc... that would be necessary to get me there?
I am 30 years old. I have two children. I ran 10 miles on Saturday and I will run 12 next Saturday and then 13.1 two weeks after that. I can squat my body weight. I can do a pull up (still working on 5). I can out-push my husband... but I have flab around my waistline. Stretchmarks across my thighs, breasts and belly, chaffe marks between my legs and a deep deep love for chocolate.
is the guilt, disapointment, and annoyance worth the workout tips, encouragement and inspiration that can often be found in womens fitness mags? Or is it totally counter productive? I don't know right now. I still haven't hit my sub-20% body fat goal... its a tough one for a curly-fry adict like me... but is it impossible? Is dumping the mags admitting defeat or embracing the body I have... the body I live in... the body that carried me 10 miles at a decent pace only a few days ago?
I'm not sure. Guess I'll sleep on it.
night.
Posted by Lexy at 10:08 PM | Comments (6)show comments right here »
October 09, 2004
10 miles
The human body is an amasing thing... I honestly can not believe I just ran 10 miles... seriously...
can
not
believe
it.
But I did. And I'm still alive... no blisters that I've found yet... bit sore, VERY hungry... but overall, feeling really good. My lungs were fine... no coughing during or now after the run... hopefully that means I've kicked it for good. I was supposed to run this morning with the beautiful and fabulous Alissa... but she came down with the funk (probably from me) last night and there was no way in HELL she should have been running today, so it was a solo run for me. I was a little freaked about that... I tend to either push WAY TOO HARD or not push enough when I run alone, so I had resigned myself to another 11:30+ average pace run. I am happy to say that did not happen. It was cool and breezy, I wore tights, long sleeves and a knit hat and only had to unzip my collar once to cool off. There were a few sprinkles here and there, but overall, it was a PERFECT morning for a run.
So here's the details:
10 Miles in 1:46:03 - avg pace 10:36/mile - 1289 calories burned
Mile 1 - 9:34 - good start, warming up.
Mile 2 - 10:57 - oh great, if my legs already feel like lead how the hell am I gonna make it 8 more miles?
Mile 3 - 10:38 - loosening up now... had an interesting thought... on most days I'd be finishing or almost finished by now, but today I've only just started... whoah.
Mile 4 - 10:40 - enjoying this fuel-belt thing... filled two flasks with water and two with gatorade... next time I'm gonna water down the gatorade, its just TOO sweet.
Mile 5 - 10:32 - new territory now, haven't run this direction before, lots of traffic, kids on the sidewalk that just sort of stare as I go by.
Mile 6 - 10:42 - kinda got lost, took a wrong turn, but figured out how to get where I wanted to go so all is well... wow, I only have 4 miles left!!! That's cool!
Mile 7 - 10:36 - This is where my foot hurt last time (8 miler) but this time it's fine, knees are starting to whine, but not bad... hooray for orthotics!
Mile 8 - 11:08 - CRAP!!! This is the LONG hill up the pedestrian overpass over the highway... I walked for about 30-45 seconds and then convinced myself that the point of this whole thing was to RUN the 10 miles, not walk them, so I started running again and ran to the top.
Mile 9 - 10:36 - I really can't believe how good I feel! Want to finish strong... lets go.
Mile 10 - 10:36 - OW OW OW!!! When the mile-alarm went off I pretty much stopped dead in my tracks... the hardest part of this run was litterally the last two tenths of a mile. My brain did NOT want to keep going, but it did, and I did and now I'm done!
And Rachel... I don't think I got you're whole comment earlier, I read it with my fingers in my ears, so I might have missed somthing... ;)
Posted by Lexy at 12:30 PM | Comments (3)show comments right here »
October 07, 2004
An update on me.
I suppose I'd better give an update on my situation this week. I can sum it up in one word: SUCK.
I have the very worst chest cold I've ever had. I am averaging 3 hours of sleep per night (total) because I wake myself with coughing... my husband has taken to sleeping on the couch so he can get a full night. I don't like taking drugs but I will be picking somthing up tonight because I just can't take it anymore. I'm told Delsym is the best OTC cough suppressant, but if you know of somthing better, let me know... I don't have any other symptoms except the coughing... My head is clear, no aches/pains or fever just this relentless hacking horrible cough.
On the good side of things I am planning a 10 miler this weekend... my very first. I have my course pretty much mapped out and I'm considering picking up a hydration belt to take with me and see how it works for my longer runs. This is, of course, contingent uppon me getting some sleep over the next few nights, because when I ran with Holly last sunday I felt fine DURING the run, so I have no worries about that... it's just having the energy to actually get out the door that is lacking right now.
I am still a sucky student... but luckily we only have ONE body system (skeletal) this week... and NO CLASS ON MONDAY!!! So I have two weeks to learn the bones of the body!!! HIP HIP HOORAY!
Please send me cough-free vibes.
Posted by Lexy at 09:16 AM | Comments (2)show comments right here »
October 05, 2004
MORE PICTURES
If you had ANY questions about how gorgeous this Hollie woman is... just look here:
Posted by Lexy at 06:20 PM | Comments (4)show comments right here »
October 03, 2004
Inspiration...
If my experiences today weren't inspiring, I don't know what is.
Today I ran the last 5 miles of the Portland Marathon with Hollie Teal and it was probably the most amazing 5 miles I've ever run. Hollie was like a SOLDIER keeping her 10:20 average pace CONSISTANTLY thru those last 5 miles, she was strong, sure, emotional, humerous and probably the most fabulous running partner a person could have at the end of a marathon.

I mean come on! LOOK AT THAT SMILE!!!
So we ran with Hollie... six of us in total, looking like a secret service brigade with the president of the United States of America... but all for Hollie.
She is TRULY an amazing, awesome woman!!! Way to go Hollie, thank you for letting me join you and ride the adrenaline rush that was YOUR RACE and YOUR SUCCESS!!! You SMASH!!! RAWR!!!!
Posted by Lexy at 05:52 PM | Comments (9)show comments right here »
October 01, 2004
Nothing exciting from me...
So I want to send a shout out to HOLLIE!!! Who will be running the Portland Marathon for the SECOND time on Sunday... she is strong, she is fit, she is AMAZING and she has very cute braids! I think I may want to be Hollie in my next life... yeah... I think so!
Look for me out there babe, because I'll be there!!!
Posted by Lexy at 09:44 PM | Comments (2)show comments right here »
