ugh.

burned out.

I am SERIOUSLY burned out.

four days of intense, back-breaking labor, and I am spent.

We're nearly done... still have some edging to put in, and some grass bits to fix... have to stuff the cracks in the stone patio with irish moss... but overall it was an incredibly productive weekend.

my only complaint? ANTS!!! The last project on my list was to dig out the area that is to become my vegitable garden so that I can put good soil in and get to planting. Unforutnately we found not one but TWO colonies of tiny little black and red biting ants under the sod, so I had to put down poision and wait a few days. It pisses me off that I had to put poison where I want to put a vegitable bed as well because now the ground is contaminated with that shit (but I couldn't have ants biting my kids all the time) and nothing ever JUST KILLS what its supposed to kill. Lots of beneficial insects are going to be eliminated by the crap. Honestly, I hate ants. Ants are the one insect on this planet that could disapear and I wouldn't bat an eye. I'm sure they provide a valuable service in the eco-system, but I don't care. I want them gone from my yard permanently, and thus... chemical death. fuckers.

So now I have to figure out how long I have to wait until its safe to plant veggies... or dig out all of the contaminated soil (more than likely this is what I'll do) and send it off to our rubbish pile (sod, weeds, etc...that is all composting itself down) and hope it doesn't kill all the good bugs back there too).

Today is my self imposed rest day. I need it. My body needs it. I shoveled more shit, gravel, bark, soil, clay, gravel and sand in the last four days than any one person should have to deal with... but holy-god-damn-batman... are the results worth the effort.

oh... you want to see the results, do you? Too bad, you'll have to wait till tomorrow.

cheers and such!

whoah

its going well so far... a LOT has gotten done... The firepit and stone and gravel patio around it are nearly done... all the stone for the upper level patio is laid out... all of the beds in the front yard have been dug out, ammended with LOTS of compost and planted with fresh shrubs and perennial plants. I even planted a curly willow (I am VERY excited about that). I wish I had taken before pictures but I didn't... I will post the afters tho. Oh man... I found probably my favorite evergreen shrub, it's called Euonimous Green Spire... it's freaking beautiful... and grows tall and compact and makes an AWESOME accent plant.

There are Hostas, varrigated barberry, false strawberry, candy tuft, hydrangias, daphne, camilias... and more. I've spent more on plants in the last two days than I have on clothes in the last year... (anyone want to nominate me for what not to wear?)

and stone, gravel, comopost, sand, bark mulch... eeps!

when my yard is done, it alone will sell this house (when/if we ever decide to sell).

my body on the other hand... may not make it.

we shal see.

Hot Lunch!

So Yoga in the Pearl has a half-length Hot-Yoga class twice a week at noon. You do one set of each pose instead of two to get thru the whole set in 45 minutes.

I went today and it was fantastic. I mean, yeah, it was still hot as hell, but my body dealt with the heat a LOT better this time than it did the first time. I never felt woozy or dizzy. I am actually excited to go again!

I am slowly peeling off the weight that I've been annoyed with for so long. Measurements are changing again, which is nice... and this weekend my folks and mike's folks are in town to help us create the backyard of our dreams... as long as we don't fry to a crisp under the (again unseasonably weird) sun.

I just ate about 20 tater tots... with ranch...

I think, perhaps... now that I have the exercise back in control... it might be time to reign in the diet as well.

;)

cheers!

crazyness and friendships

so i went to costco this evening to stock up on essentials (beer, cheese) before my parents and Mike's parents show up for the weekend yard-work marathon, no biggie, right? Right, except that when I got home the garage door wouldn't open... not responding to the remote in the truk, nor the one in the mini, nor the one mounted to the wall next to the garage... so I go for the front door, unlock, push... whoops, security bar is in place, not goin' no-where... head for the back door... same deal, unlocked but security bar in place (we're nothing if not safe)... no way in. I called Mike on the cell (he was at work), he hopped on the motorcycle and came home to find an open window to crawl into.

Luckily he did find one, which he crawled thru and promptly closed and locked behind him (remember this, it becomes important later)... he goes out to the garage, figures out what's wrong with the garage door opener, fixes it (the power cord had wiggled loose, he zip-tied it in place) and voila, I have a way into the house!!! Hooray, the cheese is getting warm, and the last thing we want is warm cheese! I begin unloading stuff but in the meantime I send my 3 year old inside to take of his pants that he has wet because he couldn't get inside to the potty (poor thing), but he comes right back out and gets naked in the garage... gotta love naked time. So, with a load of costco sized groceries I go for the door from the garage into the house, which my son had JUST (not 30 seconds before) come thru with his naked little bum waggin in the wind... but it won't open. It feels locked. Get key, unlock, still won't open. It's completely screwed.

Now we're outside (in the garage) with a naked 3 year old, melting eggo waffles, and remember that window Mike had climbed in? Right... its' no longer open, the wonderful and efficient man has locked it up tight. At this point I am so frustrated that I'm asking Mike to kick in the door. He doesn't (smart man) and goes searching for another open window... and luckily he finds one, goes around and un-does all of the security bars before removing the handle from the door so it can be opened at all.

That was my evening. My mood was tanked, I was pissed at the door, pissed at the groceries, pissed at the fact that Mike had to leave work to rescue me...

Luckily I found a note that I'd been given earlier in the day from a very special and wonderful woman thanking me for being a good friend to her and it reminded me that things are no where near as important as people.

I'm lucky to have good friends, two healthy beautiful children and a wonderful partner.

now I just need new locks.

*sigh*

pizza

I love that my cafeteria at work makes individual sized custom whole-wheat crust pizzas. Sure they're loaded with cheese (but they don't have to be) and you have to wait 3.5 minutes for them to bake as you're sucking the aroma of baking pizza thru your nose and trying not to salivate on the floor... but they're AWESOME... and did I mention they use Bob's Red Mill whole-wheat flour? YUM! I usually get ham or chicken sausage and pineapple when I get them... which isn't very often because I'm ususally in a rush and don't have time to wait for that damned pizza oven... but when I do... "heaven." sigh.

In any case, yesterday was a lovely day off from everything and today I was hoping to get to Bikram Yoga, but it didn't happen due to work constraints so I bopped over to the gym and put in 3.1 miles on the dreadmill... now to be honest I could have run outside. It is GORGEOUS with a capital G-O-R-G-E-O-U-and S outside and a perfect cool temperature to run, but I wanted to run a specific distance today (3.1 miles) so I stayed in on the TM where I could gauge distance. I covered the distance in just about 33:35, which made me pretty happy. I ran the first mile at 5.5 mph, the second at 5.7 mph (to get that negative split in there) and the third I ran at 5.5 again but bumped it up to 6 mph for the last .15 mile to get my HR way up. it was a good run, and I am glad I got it in.

My only issue today was equipment related. The shorts I brought to run in wanted to crawl up my inner thighs so I had to pause between miles 1 and 2 to pull the damned legs down (these are bicycle type shorts so they shouldn't have been doing this) so my thighs wouldn't chaffe... someday my thighs won't chaffe... it will be so.

I have some news on the "get lexy preggers with someone elses baby" plans but I haven't gotten the "official word" yet, so I'll spill when I do. Things are looking good tho, so don't worry.

oh... and if you haven't already today... get off your ass and move a little, m'kay?

back to normal i think...

emotions are an odd thing. sometimes i just don't get why i have the feelings i do. i may know that how i'm feeling is completely irrational but it doesn't stop me from feeling that way. The emotional drama from the past couple of days was just that... drama. i spent a lot of time talking with my dh about it and it was really good. i don't like feeling like a failure and its hard to get past that when its so easy to remind myself of my personal failings each day.

its all mindset. i am a successful, fit, healthy person. i have ongoing goals, and i will achieve them. i deserve the time and the effort necessary to reach those goals. (can you say positive affirmations, kids? i knew you could).

i didn't hit all of my goals for this week... I ran 3 times for a total of probably 8 miles and i did the hot yoga, which i plan to try again on tuesday... and possibly thursday as well, but it will depend a lot uppon how my work week is looking. I did well with water except for today but i went and got my hair done so I feel pretty again, so I'll let it slide.

Goals for this week:

1. run 4 times
2. hot yoga twice
3. take my vitamin daily
4. get my water daily (80 oz)
5. 6 fruits/veggies per day (serving size = 1/2c.)

questions

can phsyical cleansing trigger emotional cleansing?

could the toxin-flush of the hot yoga be triggering this emotional pit of dispair I'm dealing with right now?

what the hell is wrong wtih me?

Slug Parties and Bikram Yoga

Lets start with the Bikram.

Ok... holy shit. Yes I knew the room would be 105 degrees. I knew this. What I didn't know was that at 60% humidity and 105 degrees my body produces more sweat than a full body towel can absorb. I didn't make it thru every pose. I had to sit out about 3 I believe, but I tried every single one... and I didn't puke, and I didn't pass out, so I will chalk it up as a goal achieved! And... for some insane reason... I want to do it again. Honestly it was hard to be faced with the reality of my body with this extra fat on it. I didn't like that, but there was no getting around it in clingy clothes made more clingy by oodles of sweat. Reality is harsh and it was commin at me from all angles. Three hundred and sixty degrees of ouch. It was hard to stay focused because of that. Self consciousness got me several times and it was very hard to get past it. Not that anyone was looking at me other than me, because they weren't... they didn't give one damned bit of attention to the new chick in the corner... but I did. There was also a huge mental battle I had to fight with myself. "This is insane, you can't do this..." went thru my head on more than one occasion and when it got to be really loud the teacher said, "Ok... two more poses and we're done..." and I realized that yes it was probably insane, but I could make it to the end and that kept me going.

This morning found me a little sore, mostly in the lower back and quads (damn those standing poses) and I have to think that after 90 minutes in a 105 degree room doing some very intense yoga I probably burned 3-500 calories... at least I hope so. In any case, despite the soreness, I put on the shoes at 5:30 and went out for a 30 minute jog. I'm not going to call it a run because I took it VERY easy. I spent more time dodging slugs than I did really running per say as well. It was like there was some huge slug convention... a slug party, if you will, that every slug on this side of the world had to get to and so they all squirmed off across the sidewalk to get to the party on the other side. And I'm talkin ALL KINDS and ALL SIZES of slugs from the tiny baby 1" long little guys to the 5-6" long HUGE ASS banana slugs that freak me right the fuck out every time I see one crawlin up a wall or across a sidewalk. I believe I was able to avoid actually treading on any slugs, but I didn't check the bottoms of my shoes to be sure, so I'm not making any promises.

OH... and let me once again pimp PIONEER ORGANICS. They've revamped their ordering system and you can pretty much customize completely the produce you receive in your box each week... its awesome! So if you live in the greater Portland or greater Seattle areas check 'em out!!!

Yes I watched "Chaotic" last night

or at least part of it... the rest I TIVO'd and will watch later on... yes, I will. So there.

I'm a bit sore today, so I skipped the morning run in anticipation of hot-yoga (Bikram certified teachers!!!) tonight with Alissa.

I am hydrating like a mofo.

eating as clean as possible.

and yet I'm giddy as a schoolgirl... ;)

I made buttermilk cornbread last night and it was so freakin good. I LOVE cooking... I wish I was home more so I could do it more often... but honestly, I love doing it... and I think I'm pretty good at throwing things together to make good food all improvisational wise... in fact theres only been one thing I've made that my husband refused to eat (black bean chilli... the beans weren't cooked thru and he hates beans anyway... I didn't eat it either)... so I think that's a pretty good track record.

In any case, despite how freakin yummy the cornbread was, I only had 1 piece so I'm awfully proud of that. I'm positive that the leftovers will be gone before I get home tonight too. I've got chicken and buffalo thawing in the fridge... I wonder what I'll come up with for dinner tonight?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY R!!!

today I put my shoes on

at 5:15 the alarm went off... I snoozed it once... and at 5:22 (before the alarm went off again) I realized that all I had to do was put my shoes on... so that's what I did... and 35 minutes later I'd completed a great out and back run for about 2.5-3 miles. I was sweaty, winded (I always sprint the last couple of blocks before walking to cool down) and happy that I'd put on the shoes. One run down, four to go.

hot yoga is planned for Sunday at Yoga in the Pearl with Alissa. Its a 90 minute class from 3-4:30pm... I'm EXCITED!!! Tho I do need to get my own mat before we go. I'm hoping to get a couple more classes in next week to use up the "3 classes for $15" pass that I'm gonna buy. Wish me luck and think good hydration thoughts for me on Sunday.

I'm feeling pretty high energy today. I attribute that primarily to going to bed at 9:15 and to getting my run on this morning. Morning exercise does amazing things for not only the metabolism but also the attitude and outlook as the day goes on.

Hey... anything else I do today exercise wise is Cake as far as I'm concerned!

*wink*

OH! Hey, BD - I know you know this, but there is nothing more intense than the birth of a child and I want you to know that my thoughts will be with you and J and T as your family grows by one. Good luck, best wishes, and since you probably won't be on again soon... welcome to the world little R!!

EDITED TO ADD: Whoops... Yoga has been moved to tomorrow at 4:30-6p!!! EEEPS. This is gonna be fun!

Wow...

ok, so crappy weekend behind me, its time to move ON.

Honestly it really wasn't ENTIRELY crappy... just somewhat crappy and there were definite bright points (breaky with Alissa on Satidy, Snuggle time with each of my boys... etc...). But Mike and I had an argument and it was stressfull and emotional and it was very hard for me to let it go and move on.

The fact of the matter is that I am tired of him working Friday and Saturday nights. He's been doing it for 2 years now and its just not fair that he still has to work the only two nights that I have off. This schedule eliminates any possibility of decent date-nights because the only other time we could go out together (or stay in) are Wednesday and Thursday nights but I have to get up for work the next morning and should be getting to sleep by 9:30 or so... I'm sick of it. Its not fair, and its not good for our family or our relationship. There isn't a single day of the week that we can just BE together because one or the other of us is always getting ready to go to work either that night or the next morning. Not a single day.

TWO YEARS PEOPLE and I haven't had a full nights sleep with my husband in TWO YEARS!!! Ok, there have probably been random nights in there somewhere, but I'm going to guess that if there were it was because one or the other of us was sick. It sucks.

Ok... that's what the argument was about, and I'm still (obviously) emotional about it.

In any case, no running happened this weekend leaving me with 5.6 miles for the week... ah well. I'll run today and figure the rest out as we go along.

I'm going to work on getting my vitamins daily again, I've been slacking on that big time... and drinking my water. Here are my goals for this week:

1. Run 5 times... don't care how far or how long, just put the shoes on.
2. Try Hot-Yoga once.
3. Drink my water (80 oz + each day)
4. Take my vitamin.

There ya have it... and like Erin says... no eating goals this week because... well... one thing at a time.

No More Cramps!

Running worked for mister crampy pants, so I'm feeling much better. 2.8 miles, 35 minutes, 315 calories, huzzah.

going out to dinner with the hubby tonight... for FREE!!! A good friend owns a restaurant and the last time hubby and I went the service was god-awful. I told friend about it and he asked us to be his "secret-diners" every once in a while to keep tabs on how things are going. Bad service = customers not comming back. Repeat business keeps restaurants going. In any case we agreed (well DUH!) so he's paying for our dinner and drinks tonight and all we have to do is report back on the experience in the morning.

glee!

Euphimism

Heir bloaty and his mistress Madame Crampy have come to visit. They've taken up residence (once again) in my abdomen and plan to stay for a couple of days. While never invited, their visits are predictable and monthly and relatively easily dealt with. Friday or Saturday I will kick them to the curb only to prepare for another invasion a scant three weeks later.

Euphemisms: Aunt Flow gives us a dictionary of Menstruation Euphimisms. From the seemingly innocent: "Aunt Flo is visitng" to the political "Flying the Red Flag" to the downright vulgur "Anal Sex Week." There are as many euphimisms for getting your period as there are for having sex... but hey... we're all adults here.

Dropping the BS, I have my period. This is a good thing. This means that while I hapily maintain a healthy monogomous married sex life I have once again foiled the ovulation monster that resides in my pelvis and have prevented pregnancy!! YIPPEE!! So hey... despite the bloaty bloat and crampy cramp that comes along with my period, I'm pretty durned happy to have it. Will it stop me from running? Oh hell no.

I find it almost sad that not too long ago women were told that they must rest during their periods... that they shouldn't participate in anything athletic. What a crock.

I'll be running today.

cheers.

FREAKIN RAIN!!!

This has been the strangest winter/spring I've experienced since moving to the pacific northwest. The winter was dry and sunny when it is usually excessively wet. In fact it was so dry that most of the ski resorts had very short seasons and everyone was talking about a severe summer drought. And then April came... along with 30+ straight days of rain. And now its May and its still raining. Drought talk has given way to "flash flood warnings" and "severe thunderstorm warnings" and for some reason the farmers and fishermen aren't at each others throats about water use yet this year.

What sucks ass for those of us web-footers who are used to lots of rain is that USUALLY in May we're peeling off the galoshes and raincoats to expose our waterloged toes and fingers to the sun. But not this year... no sir!

I am not comfortable riding my bike in traffic in the rain, so I'm not riding to work as much as I would like. I can run in the rain no problem, but thunder storms do tweak me out a little so those may cause a pass as well. The treadmill chaps my ass, but there ya have it: it is safe, sound, and dry. So, day one of training was on the treadmill. 35 minutes, 2.8 miles, most of it run at 5mph, some at 4.8mph and a few minutes walking to warm up and cool down and a 2 minute break between miles 1 and 2 at 3.8mph. 310 calories burned (yay!) and a daily trianing goal completed. I wanted to run at least 2 miles today. I ran 2.5 of the 2.8, so I am happy.

Alissa mentioned Hot Yoga to me today. She wants to take me. I want to go. Anyone care to share experiences with Hot Yoga with me? Any clues on how to find a studio near me? I am definitely intrigued.

Like I Said...

What better way to get serious about running again than to sign up for a whole bunch of races over the summer???

Here's the "plan" thusfar:

Starlight Run 5k - June 4th
Helvetia Drop Top 10k - June 11th (maybe... don't know if I can work back up to 10k in only 5 weeks, but we'll see)
ORCC Summer Solstice Sundowner 5k - June 16th
or
Run with Baloons 5k - June 19th
First Annual XC Classic, Welches OR 5k - June 25th
Longview 4th of July Fun Run 5k - July 2nd
Go Girl 5k - July 9th or 10th (the websites disagree)
Seaside Beach run 5k - July 17th
AAA Sports All Womens Duathlon - Aug 6th

Pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. Training starts now.

;)

not always easy

I grew up with 3 sisters (and one brother, but this isn't about him, sorry, Ev).

I think we're all very attractive, unique to each other... but one thing that defined me as I grew up was that I was and always would be "the fat sister." Keep in mind that this is entirely based on a skewed body image because I was never really fat... heck I wasn't even "overweight" until I hit college and gained the freshman... uh... well... ok 25. BUT even then I was easily 25 lbs lighter than I am now and I know I'm not fat now, so how could I possibly have been fat then. I have a round butt... I was called "bubble-butt" by friends and family alike as I grew up. I have thick thighs and an ample chest... no DDs or anything like that... just well proportioned curves. These days I love my butt, I am thankful that I don't have to work very hard to get that "shelf" between my behind and my legs. But when I was a teenager... not so much. I like the strength and power of my thighs now, but I still wish I could get to the point where they didn't touch when I stand with my feet shoulder width apart... as a teen, thunder thighs is what they were. Now my boobs on the other hand I've always been happy with... I'll keep those thankyouverymuch.

The problem I have is completely in my head and usually I don't even think about it. But when I go home and am faced with my sisters who are significantly thinner than I am the ugly beast of inadequacy, jealousy and competition rears its pock-marked head and there I am, once again, the fat sister.

I don't blame my sisters for this... they're just naturally narrower than I am (*sigh* even my 4 months pregnant sister). If you look at baby pictures of me and my mother side by side you'd be hard pressed to tell us apart. I got her hips, her butt and her nose (thank GOD!). We're the curvy ones.

So while I had a great visit with my family, it is not always easy for me to be one of "The Palmer Girls." It pisses me off that my internal stigma is there when ever I hang out with my sisters. It pisses me off that I am not "over it". I'm a grown up, an advocate of personal responsibility. This is a demon I will work on slaying potentially for the rest of my life.

Ah well... guess its time to get serious about running again.

;)

well crap!

I have a lot to say today.

unfortunatley my HD at work crashed and may not be replaced until this afternoon...

potential weekend updates.

b

Alaska!

I really do love seeing my family. I wish they all lived closer to me but the cold hard fact of the matter is that I am the one who chose to move out of Alaska and I can't really ever see myself going back for any length of time. Honestly, AK is a beautiful place. The mountains are just as majestic as you'd expect, the wildlife as plentiful, etc. etc. ad nauseum. There are, however, a few major drawbacks to living in Alaska. Alaska is hard on cars. Studded tires are the norm from October til April and the salt and sand do a number on the undercariage. Alaska has many fucked up climates. Anchorage, for example, is practically a desert despite being a coastal city. The air is always VERY dry, even when it is actively raining... nothing ever feels clean except right after a mid-winter snow storm when everything is quiet and white. But most importantly (for me at least) Alaska is politically a VERY conservative state... and by conservative I don't really mean Republican... or religious-right... I mean... well, I guess the closest thing I can come up with is Libertarian, to the extreme. And honestly having grown up there I do have some libertarian leanings, but I also got out, got educated, and made up my own mind on some issues.

In any case, it was nice to go back and in the six days we were there Anchorage experienced "spring" in as much as a northern desert ever does. It rained one day, and suddenly instead of just brown branches and dirt everything turned green... lawns, trees, etc. Seriously. In 6 days... by the time we left it was full summer foliage going on.

We spent most of our time hanging out at the Gay house which is my parents house on Gav Way but the street sign looks like it says Gay Way, so it's the Gay house whether it likes it or not. My mom is a fabulous cook and despite a couple of servings of home made creme brulee and a HUGE pasta feast for Missa's graduation dinner I came home lighter than I left. That is the joy of home cooking. Nothing processed... meat, veggies, some carbs, lots of alcohol and coffee and all is right with the world. ;)

There were some down points on the trip... the flight up was smooth as could be, but that didn't stop me from having motion sickness so bad that they had to give me oxygen for the last 1.5 hours of a 3 hour flight... I didn't realize just how much the O2 had been helping until they took it away for landing. Soon as I set foot on solid ground tho all was well and the flights back were of no real consequence so I have NO idea what was up with that. I've never had motion sickness on a plane before and I hope never to again.

Nate got a raging double ear infection, the first of his 3 short years of life... but a quick trip to the local clinic and the amoxicillin seems to have cleared it up... sad news is that he's been burdened with mom's waxy ears so we're going to have to start doing some preventative maintenance on that now.

Val did VERY well, and was a superb traveler.

I came home with a fantastic head cold from my papa and a second degree steam-burn on the back of the first two knuckles of my right index finger... lets just say I should not try to make coffee at 8 am after a graduation wine-bender... especially not when the kettle has been left on the stove on low heat all night... (I'm an idiot) but the blister hasn't popped, so I'm considering that to be a good sign.

I'll post pics this weekend (hopefully). My sister is an amazing poet, and I even got to go watch her read some of her stuff at the university before her graduation ceremony. I wonder what she'll be doing next.

Back to work for me... more updates on the fitness front as they happen... which they aren't right now... because I'm sick as a freakin dog.

okaaaaaay...

so big apologies for my absence.

jumped a plane to the big state up north that most people thing is full of tundra and oil to watch my baby sister get her MFA in Creative Writing focusing on poetry and get in a bit of a family fix.

It was good.

Glad to be home tho... about to go crash in my own bed for the first time in a week and THAT sounds like heaven (despite it's saggy nature).

*more tomorrow*