landscaping

I have slowly but... well, just slowly been taking over the landscaping duties around our house (not that I need more to do, but I seem more motivated to get it done than anyone else, so I guess its my job now) since the Memorial Day Lanscaping Extravaganza that transformed our back yard from horrible to purty-near awesome. I mow our postage stamp front lawn with our PUSH MOWER (cause we're environmentally conscious like that) and I'm pretty much the only one willing to beat-down the back-40 (which isn't really forty, its more like .25) with the gas-powered weed-whaker (cause even tho we're environmentally conscious like that, the electric weed-whacker cries when we try to use it on the tall grass that thrives in the wetter area of the lower yard.) because I'm not affraid of spiders and bees that could be lurking.

So today was landscaping day. Mowed the lawn, cut back the blackberries that are constantly trying to come thru the fence, round-up'd the worst of the mess, weeded the beds, weeded my veggie garden, etc. It was fun. It was good, sweaty, active, hard work.

Debbie kicked my butt first thing in the morning, outside work all day, and I'm riding my darned bike to work tomorrow!

Now... if my damned period would just start and relieve some of this bloating, I'd feel almost human.

hope you had a great weekend. I did.

life with brian...

so with the summer cold ramping up to peak performance yesterday I did not bike into work. I'm really disapointed about that because it would have been my first full week of biking to work all three days. Its very difficult for me to accept the limitations of illness and injury. Illness and injury (and an IVF cycle) are what landed me 20lbs heavier than I was last summer and thus every time I feel somthing comming on, be it illness or injury my instinct is to push thru it as much as I can... This isn't necessarily a bad instinct... but it certainly doesn't serve to help me heal the way I probably should.

I was in a PISSY mood all day yesterday after I didn't ride. I was pissed at my cold, pissed at my "lazyness" for not getting up off of my ass and riding in anyway. Pissed that every time I start to get into a routine somthing throws me off. I was in a piss poor frame of mind and it showed.

Today I have pulled my head outta my ass.

I got up today and had my date with Debbie. I knew I still wasn't up for my 90 minute bikram class, so I slept in and got up and did RIU and SISixPack with our dear squat n@zi Debbie. Low impact, but a good workout and I am working very hard on convincing myself that one day lost is not a routine broken.

Shit happens.

Colds happen.

I'll dance with Debbie again tomorrow and ride on Monday/Wednesday/Friday next week. There is still a routine... there is always progress to be made.

Have a fabulous weekend!

Ode to a Summer Cold

There are so many ways to love you,
dear summer cold of mine.
the way you clog my nose and ears
and muddle up my mind.
The way your mucos coats my throat
and coughing can not clear it
the way you make my kids believe
that mommy can not hear $hit.
Yes summer cold you are so great
you swell my nodes and glands
And spread to all my family
despite my frequent wash of hands.
The way you choose the nicest week
of weather that we've seen
to infect my nose and throat and head
is really very keen.
But lo I must distroy you
oh summer cold of mine
with prejudice and malice
The pleasure is divine.
So take your walking papers
and shuffle toward the door
with vitamins and orange juice
your life, it is no more.

Today is a fat day

Today I feel fat. There are several reasons for this... PMS, constipation, bloating, etc... having eaten MUCH too much the last couple of days... birth control pills... etc. But the fact of the matter is that I've been hanging out at this crappy ass weight (20lbs higher than my lowest low) for WAY too long and it makes me feel fat.

Today my jeans are tight. They were fresh from the dryer, so it was expected... to some extent. But 3 hours later they're still tight. I don't want my jeans to be tight... they're gonna have PLENTY of excuses to be tight in a couple of months but right now it just serves to make me feel fat.

Today is a fat day.

I don't like days like today. Days like today can motivate or discourage, today... its discouraging. Days like today make the work look too hard... make the journey seem pointless, fruitless, unfinishable.

And yet yesterday I rode my bike 8 miles in 95 degree heat with a BLOODY FUCKING HEADWIND that wouldn't QUIT! Even the wind was hot hot HOT! The scale is not happy with me... I need to re-hydrate BADLY.

Today is a fat day, and I would rather be in bed.

the march of the meds has begun

So one of the side effects of the first IVF medication that I'm taking (Lupron... it shuts down my ovarian function) is blinding headaches. If you're prone to migraines... avoid this crap at all costs. Sometimes Excedrin Migraine helps... other times you just have to gut it out until it passes. Monday was my first lupron shot... no biggie, it goes into the belly fat with an insulin syringe, totally painless and I was fine afterward. Until about 30 minutes later when my head started pounding. *sigh*

So the second shot (yesterday) was no biggie again, and luckily there was no headache following, so hopefully it was a one-time thing.

I rode to work today! YAY! So I'm doing REALLY well on my 3 in 3 challenge so far. I had to CONVINCE my self to drag ass outta bed this morning tho, man my evil brain wanted to sleep in. But I didn't, and here I am.

I'm trying to figure out how to get more miles in on the bike each week as well. Even riding to/from work 3x/week is only 45 miles per week which just doesn't seem like all that much for cycling. So I'm going to see if I can work in a ride on Saturday or Sunday afternoon/evening the next couple of weeks and see how that goes.

Hope everyone is having a blast, enjoying their summer, and working every day toward their goals!

(count down to my birthday stands at 5 days)

HEY!!!

If you want to be next in line for the traveling copy of "From Chunk to Hunk" by Fred Anderson... check out Nicole's lottery!!

Hello Monday

as one of the regular duties of my current job I am on-call for one week rotating every 6 weeks. During that week if anything negative pops up on the network after regular business hours my cellphone is the first contact point. The last few weeks we've been having troubles with our backup server. This weekend was my on-call. I spent MOST of the weekend babysitting the backup server. The backup server controlls the tape-jukebox wherein lie the 30+ DLT tapes onto which all of the stored data on our 100+ file and email servers are copied. The tapes are then stored off-site for 30+ days after which they are recycled.

I got 4 hours of sleep last night due to that fucking tape server losing its mind repeatedly. Bastard. I also got NOTHING done save my yoga class Saturday morning. I ate for crap because I was not motivated to cook/prep food for myself and made the choice to just grab whatever was convenient. Luckily there were some veggies/fruits in the house, but those disapeared quickly and I dove headlong into the sugar/salt laden snack foods... luckily there weren't many of them so I had to resort to pb&honey on whole wheat and non-fat organic milk.

Today is a better day.

I rode to work and the ride was actually a tad easier than it has been the last few times... I'm excited about this because eventually riding should become a time-saver for me as I get faster and more fit, but right now it takes me 40 minutes to ride from the park and ride to the office, so its prettymuch a wash with driving in the traffic.

So, that's it... crappy boring weekend... back to work... feeling pretty good.

thunder and lightning

The thunderstorms rolled in around 3 am. It was FABULOUS!!! I love thunderstorms. Only one of my boys woke up and I was able to reassure him and send him back to bed fairly quickly. The storms up here luckily bring rain along with the lightning so the fire risk is much lower than it is for the folks in Arizona and such. The rain and thunder, however, to not make for good cycling condidions, so I made a date with Miss Seibers this morning instead of riding to work... ah tradeoffs!

Going to try to take the boys to the zoo this weekend... Val turns 7 on tuesday... Geesh... I can't believe that. SEVEN... ugh, I am OLD.

someday... he's gonna be a teenager... and then a man... whoah.

I love my kids, but BOY do they age a person.

have a fabulous and safe weekend... countdown to my birthday is 10 days!

Bike route

well according to the nifty Google Pedometer (now with CALORIE COUNTER!!!)... My ride to work is closer to 7.8m!! If I were running that would be nearly 800 calories burned... but according to caloriesperhour.com its only 463 calories... *sigh* (heh... times two ways... I'll take that!)

And they're OFF!

Okey dokey ladies, the books are officially in the mail as of last evening. I hope that they travel well and are a wonderful benefit to MANY peoples lives... now I just gotta finish "Tales from the Scale" for Renee.

The ride to work this morning was... hmmm...

oh how should I say this... let me think here... painful? difficult? taxing? arduous? excruciating? Yes... yes, that's it. Excruciating.

The ride to work this morning was excruciating.

It seems little miss Seibers and her billion and one squats have taken their toll on my ass (and legs) and the DOMS is just about as bad as its ever been. HooHA! Its great to change things up a bit, ain't it? So my legs are pissed, but I'm sure the'll get better and stronger eventually. Pushing thru the soreness this morning actually helped to loosen things up a bit, which was a Very Good Thing (tm).

Do any other women out there have a love/hate... er... love/loathe... hmmm... mabye its love/detestwitheveryfiberofmybeing... yeah, that's it. Let me start again. Do any other women out there have a love/detestwitheveryfiberofmybeing relationship with M@rtha St3wart? The woman annoys the crap outta me with her whole self-entitlement attitude, but holygoddamn batman has she built an empire for herself (much like 0prah, I might add) and some of the stuff in her magazines is just phenominal... and I hate myself for even looking at them... its just so very wrong.

*sigh*

I'm very glad that my ride home is mostly down hill. I need some coasting in my life right about now.

BOOK GIVEAWAY!!!

I have one paperback copy (very well thumbed) of "From Chunk to Hunk: Diary of a Fat Man" by Fred Anderson (of Onefatman and Vituperation.com fame) and one hard back copy of "Passing for Thin" by Frances Kuffel

I will send these books (one per person) to the first two people to comment on this entry (please specify your preference, first come first served) free of charge with one caveat:

If I send you one of these books you MUST COMMIT to send them on to someone else FREE OF CHARGE (you gotta pay the shipping folks) to another person who could benefit from the book if they can make you the same commitment... and so on... and so on... ad infinitum.

Does that make sense? Ok then, get to commenting and I'll email you directly for your snail-mail addresses.

This will also happen with the copies of "Tales from the Scale" and "I am Not the New Me" when I am done with them... Renee is already on deck for those.

Also... I'll be putting a little note inside the front cover of these books... if you'd like to add yours when you pass them on, I think that would be nifty too.

Random Thoughts

So there are a lot of things rumbling about in my head these last few days. Things like why the FUCK to we (the collective we) settle for crap food like T@co B3ll and McD0n@lds? Every town in america these days has at least one small, family owned taqueria where an amazingly hard-working hispanic woman makes tortillas from scratch every single day (freakin YUM!!!) and a little mom-n-pop roadside hamburger joint where they actually form the patties by hand, and a FABULOUS pizzaria that makes their own dough and uses REAL italian sausage that they cook up themselves... and yet we suck down pizza slut like there's no tomorrow. Yeah, the two main arguments will always be cost+convenience but damnit I am sick of hearing that... they're COP OUTS!!! If we really value the taste and experience of food so much we should be eating GOOD FUCKING FOOD not pre-processed crap shipped frozen and microwaved to gooey-imperfection... also what the hell ever happened to the backyard garden? My dearest friend April and I are the only people I know who have a backyard veggie gardens. Granted I just got it started this year and its pretty sparce and in need of compost... but its there... and I will get edible produce from it THIS YEAR. Growing veggies organically is easy!!! And if you have a home with any sort of a yard you can compost your kitchen scraps (plant matter only, please, no fats or animal by-products) to make the very best garden ammendments ever. Knitting is making a comeback as a hobby, this is great... making things with your own two hands is a skill that was greatly lost on my generation, but the rewards of such tasks are immeasureable. Being able to look at somthing and say, I made that useful thing... here now I will use it... is a pretty awesome feeling. We settle for cheep fiber board "furniture" instead of hammering a couple of nails. We buy the cheepest clothes made by children in southeast asia instead of buying fabric woven by textile mill workers in the US and sewing them up for ourselves. We are mediocrity defined. Slightly obese, lacking ambition for anything better than we or our parents had, and willing to settle for whatever corporate america hands us. Cost+convenience has gotten us exactly where? Its gotten us fat... its gotten us lazy... its gotten us addicted to "reality tv" instead of living...

ok... sorry... stepping off the soapbox... I guess I needed to spew some of that out there before it completely sucked my brain out thru my ears.

oh yeah... and don't shop at w@lmart either... fuckin unamerican bastards.

I had a fabulous weekend... we got a LOT of interior painting done because it was too damned hot to do anything outside... but I'm liking having some color in my home finally. We went to one of those fabulous, family owned pizzarias on Sunday and ate the hell outta that amazing italian sausage. And this morning I had my first date with the squat nazi herself (thanks Renee) Debbie Siebers, and wow... squat nazi inDEED!

I got my bike back from the shop (HOORAY!) so tomorrow begins my "3 days riding" challenge. For the next 3 weeks I will ride to work 3 days each week (allowing for this monday because my bike was still in the shop). I am going for mon/wed/fri because that allows me to drive tue/thu so I can drive to my bikram yoga class at lunch (I don't have time to rideto/yoga/rideback... thus the car. So as long as it doesn't rain... that is the plan. Debbie will be my morning workout partner Tue/Thu as well... so this is how it breaks down:

Sunday: play
Monday: Ride to/from work (14m)
Tuesday: Debbie(SIU)/Yoga (45minutes)
Wednesday: Ride to/from work
Thu: Debbie(SIU)/Yoga (45minutes)
Friday: Ride to/from work
Saturday: Yoga (90minutes)

And I can STILL out-eat any exercise program on the planet... its a skill. ;)

sunny day...

Today is one of the NICEST days the Portland metro area has seen all year.

It is balmy, 80 degrees, blue sky, slight breeze, PERFECT!

I wasn't super hungry so I decided to go walk around the neighborhood for a while and guess what I found??? A YARN SHOP!!! Within WALKING DISTANCE of work... I am SO screwed. I bought 6 balls of yarn for a baby blanket that I plan to start tonight... its sort of an improvised pattern, so I hope it turns out.

I'm going to have a wonderful weekend in the sun... I'm going to play and garden, and go for walks and eat fresh foods!

Have a great one!

so... uh... fitness, right...

I guess I should be writing about fitness topics and such...

did I mention that there's a wonderful guy at work (older and very sweet and very gay) who loves to call me "slim"? I love him.

This week has been going VERY well fitness wise. Tuesday I did hot-yoga, yesterday I rode my bike in to work and then back home (14+ total miles) today I did hot yoga again... but since I took my bike in last night for a service check I won't be able to ride in tomorrow, so that kinda sucks... I'll come up wtih somthing active tho. I'm planning on doing the Saturday morning hot-yoga as well... (have I mentioned how much I am LOVING hot-yoga?)

My eating this week has been rock solid as well. Lots of lean and healthy protein... fruit and veggies, and water out the yang.

I'm happy... I'm healthy... life is good.

Zero...

I broke down and tried a c0ke-zero today.

I'm not a big fan of artificial sweeteners in general, and I'm not a soda drinker anyway... but there comes a time every now and again, when a fizzy cold jolt of sweet sounds good... and so it was today.

Honestly... I'm impressed.

I don't taste the normal aspartame aftertaste that I do with regular diet c0ke, so that's nice... and its cold and fizzy and sweet... add the bonus shot of caffeine and you have an all around good time.

I can't believe I just endorsed a diet cola.

what the fuck is happening here?

Ok... just to clarify, I am not telling you to go out and stock your pantry with this cr@p... its full of chemicals that are BAD for your body... think of all the energy you'll have to expend (poor kidneys) to rid yourself of this cr@p... DON'T DRINK IT!!!

but if you have to have somthing cold, fizzy, carbonated and caffeinated every now and then (like once or twice a year), this cr@p isn't too bad. (think c0ke will pay me for my opinion?)

In other news, I rode my bike to work today (yay!) and again it took about 40 minutes to make the 7 mile trek... this pisses me off. Granted the course has a LOT (read greater than 60%) of uphill... and some of it is tough... but it's 7 measley miles!!! I will definitely be improving as I ride it more and get some stamina built up... but I would certainly be a hinderance to Team Discovery Channel in the mountain stages this week.

Of Vegan Food and Snarkyness

Ok... so I realize that last post sounds kinda snarky... and I don't mean to come off that way... really I was just trying to be very matter-of-fact.

I feel very conflicted when people ask what I did/do, how I did/do it, and why I did/do it. Because honestly it wasn't easy, it still isn't easy. Sometimes its a struggle to ballance being a mom, a professional, AND a healthy human being. There were a LOT of dark times before I got my ass moving and there have been some since then too. Emotionally its tough to stay motivated for going on 3 years... yeah... that's right, 3 years. My archives go back to December of 2002 when I started this blog and by that point I'd already lost 20lbs.

I love the comments and encouragement I get from this blog, and I'm thrilled that I can be of help/service/inspiration or whatever to others out there who hit the emotional wall that I did. The wall that made me realize that I deserved better than I was doing for myself, but the cold hard fact of the matter is that YOU can't do what I did and expect to end up where I am because you are not me. You must do this work for yourself, you must find your own path and before ANY of it will make ANY difference you have to REALIZE and BELIVE to the very core of your being that you DESERVE the effort it takes to get to your goals.

You can't do it just because I did. You can't do it for your husband, or girlfriend, or mom, or pastor or anyone but yourself becaue the only constant in your life is you. You're the one who will have to look back three, five, twenty years later and know that the path was worth traveling... was worth sticking with... for LIFE.

This is my life.

I define myself as an athlete, and thus I am an athlete, I live as an athlete lives, I do as an athlete does.

And as for vegan food - aw hells yes! I'm having a vegan soba-noodle bowl for lunch and its as close to perfect food as it gets. Organic Soba noodles, organic veggies, organic tofu, veggie broth, sea salt... FREAKIN YUM!

Blossoming Lotus (inside Yoga in the Pearl) rocks.

My Plan

*sigh*

Ok J.J. and Kristin (who emailed me) and anyone else who wants to know (once again, and for the record).

My weight loss plan:

eat right + exercise.

I wish I could make it more exciting, but its not... I've done all sorts of workouts... from weights intensive, to running, to bikram yoga. I've kept my protein high, my sugars and refined carbs low, and my fats healthy. I keep my calories between 1200 and 1800. Sometimes I use protein shakes or bars.

I have gotten to the point that I could do a pull-up, and run a 10k or two. I did a triathlon (and hope to do more in the future) and got sick/injured and gained some weight back... and am in the process of losing it again (yay).

I try to eat organic as much as possible (including organic meats). I feed my kids the same shit I eat day in and day out and they cope with it just fine.

Sometimes I am super motivated and on-plan and sometimes I'm not, but there is no secret... no magic bullet, no special pill (tho I've tried some weird shit in my time).

How did I find the motivation? I looked at pictures of myself at my 10 year highschool reunion. I was fucking fat and disgusted with myself... I found Krista Smash... I realized that I wanted to be strong and I quit making excuses.

I got my ass up EARLY in the morning to exercise.

I got out of bed.

I put on the shoes.

I planned what I would eat for the day and I ate it.

So there you have it... in a nutshell... or not.

Four weeks.

So in four weeks I dropped four pounds. That's pretty fantastic to me, so I'm going to do my best to keep my motivation up and keep eating right.

My running hasn't been happening this summer, and I feel that I just need to admit that running is not blowing my skirt up anymore. Luckily I have my bike:

Lookie Here

And riding to work from the park-n-ride is a damned good workout in the morning (a LOT of uphill)... and a lot of fun in the afternoon (down down down!). 7 miles each way means I get to cover 14 miles every time I ride. Throw in a lunch yoga class here and there and perhaps some morning lifting, now that I've found my hand weights which had been tucked away from toddler fingers and promptly forgotten about, and you have a fairly well rounded fitness regime.

This is a "Good Thing" (tm).

I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I eat clean... its not easy in the summer with kids out of school and lots of snack foods in the house. Granted they're fairly healthy snack foods... no candy or chips or soda in our larders, but goldfish and granola bars are still concentrated energy that my body doesn't need.

I thank Pioneer Organics every day for the fresh organic fruits and veggies they bring to my doorstep every week... THANK YOU PIONEER ORGANICS... THANK YOU!!!

My kids grab handfulls of cherry tomatos, sliced bell peppers and baby carrots for snacks almost as often as they grab a pre-portioned baggie of goldfish (hooray!!!). Bananas, apples, and nectarines oh my!

Now if I could just get my home in order... *sigh*

I am so sorry...

Rode my bike to work today... it took much longer than it should have (40 mins to cover 7 miles... I was being... timid). I rode over the interstate bridge all alone tho, so that's an accomplishment. I didn't hear about London until I got into work.

I am so sorry.

I know I get the occasional reader from the UK, and then there's my darling Ingunn in Norway and Silverella in Greece (tho they may not read me, I read them obsessively)... but I know that there are millions of people in the UK right now who have been rocked to the core of their being.

I am so very sorry.

In the middle of the G8 summit... just after the Olympic Win... I am so very very sorry.

Let me know you're ok... tell your stories, your feelings your experiences... pour it out, we will listen.

My heart is with you London... just as it was with the families in Madrid, and as it is almost daily in Palestine, Israel, with women in Afghanistan, Iran, children and their parents in Georgia.

My heart is with you and I am so sorry.

I feel hung-over...

but I wasn't drunk last night.

like I mentioned before, lots is happening in my life this summer and I'm just so excited/nervous about it all. I may end up with an ulcer if I don't watch out.

I need more sleep.

I need more exercise.

I did, however, plant some lovely tomatos, carrots, cellery and 3 blue-berry bushes in my garden this weekend.

I discovered Sunday that SPF 45 sunscreen is unfortunately not enough to protect my skin for several hours, so I'm dealing with some toasty burn on my shoulders and back today... its not overly bad and if I keep it well hydrated it probably won't peel, but damnit, I don't need another burn (no-one does!).

My baby boy is at his very first non-family age-appropriate activity thing... (kids summer camp). Its at a wonderful athletic facility so there will be gymnastics and all sorts of stuff... but man... he's only THREE!!!! :( Its very weird to me that my babies are growing up so fast. Val will be a second grader this year... *sigh*. It is so hard to discribe what its like to be a parent... how it feels to love a kid so much that your chest physically hurts whenever you think about it. It is truly indescribable.

Anywho... plans for this week:

Run tonight and tomorrow morning (short 30-40 minutes), Hot yoga on Thursday @ lunch and Saturday morning... upper body and run on Friday morning.

I am also planning to start riding my bike to work again this week... its been too long and the weather is nice so its time to suck it up and just DO it.

Tomorrow will be day 1.

plans...

so the problem with the best laid plans is that there always seems to be a reason for plans to change.

For example: I was slated to run the Longview, WA 10k tomorrow morning... but then we got invited to Wild Waves (a 6-fl@ags park near Seattle) so we're gonna do that instead.

Life happens.

Another example: I am supposed to weigh in for the end of the R&B FiF challenge on Sunday... unfortunately my period is due to arrive monday or tuesday (and it's usually right on time) which means right about now I'm starting to get completely bloated, cranky and carb-starved.

I may wait till next Sunday to weigh in and just treat next week as an extension of the FiF challenge, because I'll be damned if I'm getting on the scale tomorrow.

Nope, not gonna do it.

Time to take my happy pills (coffee).